dragon age inquisition playthrough but its just me doing all the weird and creepy side quests that contribute absolutely nothing to the plot but just make you go,, “huh,,” highlights include:
the haunted chateau where that noble family locked up their little mage girl and tried to hide her magic and things turned out Much Worse than in Frozen
escorting LORD WOOSLY,, a good and fluffy friend described as a “veRY SPECIAL ram,,”–demon. its actually a demon. you don’t know that unless you attack it but if you accidentally do, surprise!! demon,,
JUDGING A BEAR FOR HIS CRIMES??
Fun scavenger hunt where you find severed body parts that scream with the souls of the damned,,
hopping on a rock until you upset an otherwordly being and its disgruntled, disembodied voice tells you its Great Secrets. Following its instructions, you then crawl behind a tiny cave and recieve a flower crown
body scavenger hunt is in the Lost Temple of Dirathmen, do that quest where you find the Head of Misery, Ears of Unheeding, Hands of Torment, ect. It ends with you summoning an ancient elven priest. You can only access the temple after completing your Investigate the Elven Glyphs quest on the war table.
The flower crown one is a time lmao. The quest is called The Tiniest Cave. This is the kind of thing you seriously won’t know how to do unless you heard about it from somewhere or were just messing around and got it completely by accident, so here’s the thing:
Hit up the Exalted Plains. You’re gonna head East from the Direstone Camp and go behind some underbrush until you find THIS TINY CUTE LITTLE STACK OF ROCKS,, with little flowers around them.
I’m begging you to look up a walkthrough to find any and all landmarks to navigate this quest because you’re really given fuck all nothing to work with in game but,, YOU WILL KNOW THE TINIEST CAVE WHEN YOU SEE IT,, IT’S VERY CUTE,,
And you might be like,, ok Leo, I found the adorable rocks, now what? Well, you’re gonna do the one thing that makes sense of course–you’re gonna JUMP on this tiny little rock friend for 50+ times. Leo, you might say, isn’t that a bit excessive? No!!! Because you literally need to jump that many times this is not a joke pls believe me
But wait, you might think, isn’t that a bit rude? Absolutely!! Which is why jumping that many times is going to trigger the disembodied voice that lives there to be quite understably upset with you and start mumbling shit. You will then do the Spirit that Lives Under the Tiniest Rock House a courtesy and walk away for a bit. Let them get their bearings.
Walk back to the Rock Friend later and you’ll get different dialogue, “Need More!! More!! Have to be Ready,,” this will actually activate your quest, congrats!! the wiki rn is telling me that jumping on the rock some more while you get these new lines might help activate the quest. But like,, even if it doesn’t, do it anyway. it’s fun
What you’re going to do from there is gather 10x Crystal Grace and return to the Tiniest Cave. Your friendly disembodied Voice will then be pleased by the offering, and say, “The stairs, the STAIRS that go down, wAYYY DOWN,, way, way down!! I’ll be there. You’ll be there.”
At this point, you’ll get a notication your quest is complete. IGNORE THAT SHIT,, IT ISN’T REALLY,, you still need to collect your reward! Fun thing though, there’s gonna be no prompt or quest marker to follow, you are literally on your own. Again, pls watch walkthrough caus this gets so hard to follow at times
You’re gonna follow the advice of following the Stairs Way Down. And you might be like,, okay well, how far away could that be? Where would I have to go for that? Wherever you guessed, yOU’RE WRONG,, get fucked you’re going directly to Emprise du Lion I hope you like snow
Go down to Suledin Keep and look for something that looks like a Super Secret Passageway and shit
You’re gonna go through a long tunnel and stop at a Veilfire torch. Carry that bitch and go right through the section of fake wall on the left. Yeah,, it’s fake. You,, you wouldn’t know any of this if you didn’t follow a specific walkthrough or hear about it. Yeah,, this quest is just Like That,,
From there you’re going Way Down the Stairs and at the end,, tA DA!!! It’s a chest!!! wITH THE FLOWER CROWN!! As you open it, you’ll hear the Tiniest Cave Voice cheering you on, it’s kinda cute. “This is it!! ThiS IS IT!! Take it,, use it. I’m going, laughing all the way,,”
But Leo,, you might say,, is one stupid helm worth all this trouble?? Does it have good stats or something?? How did the Tiniest Cave Voice get all the fucking way to Emprise du Lion, who the fuck is that guy?? Why am I doing this?? And listen, listen!! It’s pRETTY,, it’s pretty and I make all my Inquisitors wear it in every playthrough and just,, everyone needs to have the Tiniest Cave experience okay,,
Also, here’s the description for this item:
“So I said to the fellow, ‘You want a what?’ And it turns out I heard him right the first time. A helmet of flowers, he said, with a vein of lyrium running through it to keep them flowers alive. I thought for sure this had to be some elven thing, something for frolicking in the woods, but no. It’s for a duel, he said. Bloody Orlesians. Dwarven pride demanded I make the damned thing effective, at least.”
I have roomed with way too many freshmen who lived on fries and takeout because they, per their own admission, had no clue how to buy groceries. And I know a bunch of people are probably in the same boat. So I’m going to take you through the issues I often had to help my tiny baby roomies with, and drop some extra tips on you that I’ve figured out while living away from home. Feel free to add your own!
PRODUCE BUYING (yes, you need to eat a plant every now and then)
Canned and frozen veggies are just as nutritious as fresh, sometimes moreso. Nutrient content degrades as the vegetable sits after picking, and if you live somewhere that your produce has long shipping times, it’s actually less nutritious than canned or frozen. In canned vegetables, look for the “low sodium” marker. Canned and frozen also last a million times longer than fresh, and are WAY cheaper. Buy the frozen broccoli and thank yourself later when you have Netflix money left over.
Pro tip: when using canned veggies, rinse them a few times. They now taste fresh, ready to cook or ready to eat straight. You’re welcome.
When shopping for canned fruit, pick ones that are packed in 100% juice, not syrup. That syrup not only makes things way less healthy, it makes it pretty slimy too. Plus the juice is nice in smoothies, if you choose to save it.
If you buy fresh, do so in quantities that look too small. Get what you think you need, then put a little back. You always need less than you think. If you DO buy large quantities and they start to look funny, cut them up and freeze them.
When buying fresh, get some that are ripe now, and some that need a few days. This way you have some that will last a bit longer rather than trying to scramble to eat 3 avocados within 24 hours.
Buy onions in bulk, chop them up all at once, and freeze them. Only cry once, my friends. They cook much faster when they were previously frozen, and they last ages. Plus a sack of chopped frozen onions makes a good makeshift ice pack for twisted ankles and sore backs, and it won’t hurt to thaw and re-freeze a few times.
Here’s a cheat-sheet for how long produce lasts and how to store them. This should give you a good idea of how much to buy. It is very conservative, tho, so don’t panic. For instance, it says tomatoes only last about 3 days, but I’ve gotten a week and a half out of them if you don’t refrigerate them and keep them away from other fruit. Use it as a guide, and google some other “produce cheat sheets” to get an idea of your time window.
When buying frozen vegetables, get the big resealable packages. They’re cheaper per ounce, and you don’t have to worry about whether you can eat all of it at once. If you have limited freezer space, however, just get some freezer ziploc bags and store the extras in that. Twist-tying the opened, non-resealable bag will just freezer burn your food.
I know you think you eat a lot of potatoes, but you, an individual, do not eat enough potatoes to warrant that 5 or 10 pound sack that’s always on sale. Pass it by and go to the individual, select-a-piece display. You’ll thank me when you aren’t cleaning up rotten potato goo in a few weeks because you only got halfway through the sack and just couldn’t eat any more potatoes.
MEAT BUYING
Buy in bulk, keep out only what you’ll use within a day, and freeze the rest into individual serving size packages. You can get SO many meals out of a tray of chicken breasts, so buy as big a package as you have freezer room for.
Check the yellow-tag/clearance section. You find amazing deals there! Just freeze it right away if you aren’t cooking the whole thing for dinner that night. Yellow-tag is always because it’s nearing its sell-by date.
Don’t feel like you have to cook meat in whatever size or form it comes.
Buy big honking roasts and cut your own chops/steak from it. Buy that tray of chicken breasts and cut each piece into stew chunks or strips . Get the bone-in stuff and fillet it yourself. Think big when buying, small when storing, and then use that knife block your mom gave you and slicey slice things down to an individual size, or into something new. (Pork roast into chunks makes for a great, cheap stir fry.) Pop the rest into freezer ziploc bags and take it out the day before you need it. (Thaw in-fridge, please, it’s much safer.)
Ground turkey acts the same as ground beef in most recipes, and is generally cheaper unless you live in beef country. Substitute and save.
GRAINS
As with produce, buy your flour and sugar in much smaller quantities than you think you need. That 2lb sack doesn’t look like very much, but it’s a lot less likely to attract pests if it’s not sitting there for months while you struggle to use it, and it’s also much more manageable so it doesn’t get everywhere while cooking or storing. (You’ll also make fewer sweets if you don’t have a huge bag of sugar sitting in your cabinet getting clumpy and worrying you.)
Mac-and-cheese IS a viable grain option, and if you dump in some broccoli and/or chicken chunks, it’s a full meal. It’s cheap, but less sodium than ramen, so try switching it up. Also try to look for mac-and-cheese made with whole and/or enriched flour if you eat a lot of it, you’ll be slighly less likely to get constipated from it.
Premade loaf bread has a butt-ton of sugar in it. This is not only not as good for you, but makes the bread more likely to mold quicker! So look for low-sugar options. (Or make your own bread, it’s not too hard.)
DAIRY
Unless you’re like me and drink a crapton of milk (doctor’s orders, don’t judge), buy your milk in half-gallons. You can always grab another one if you run low between regular grocery shopping days, but you don’t want to have the experience of going to pour your cereal and getting your appetite ruined by the smell of rotten milk.
If you can’t or don’t want to drink milk, most milk alternatives are now fortified with the same nutrients that animal milk has. Don’t skip the dairy recommendation because you don’t like animal milk, get yourself some soy or almond milk and get your daily calcium intake!
Cheese lasts a long time, but will get dry, hard, and powdery if not stored properly. Look for, you guessed it, resealable packages.
Most of the time, block cheese is cheaper than grated and you can just grate it yourself at home. But always check the price-per-ounce, it’s usually located in the corner or on the side of the tag.
Yogurt lasts longer than you think it will. Buy in the big tubs, not individual cups. It’s cheaper, and you can pick how much you want.
SHOPPING TIPS
Shop by what’s on sale to save money. Have an idea of what you want when you go in, but be flexible with your choices. For instance, I would go in with a shopping list that had an item that was simply “sale meat.” I had meal ideas planned out that I could replace or alter based on what was on sale at the store. No chicken on sale, but the tofu was marked down? We’re having tofu stir fry on Wednesday instead! Apples on sale? You had planned to get bananas, but if the apples are cheaper you can either get some of both or just do apples. Check the sale papers or online ads beforehand to see what kind of specials they have, and try planning meals around that.
Speaking of, CHECK THE SALE PAPERS! Save those mailers, compare prices, and see which store has what you’re after. Google the store’s website and see if they list their specials online.
Have a basic plan for what you’re going to do with your purchases. Don’t just pick up a bunch of kohlrabi “to try” if you don’t have a plan. It could be as simple as “I’m going to look up a recipe later today and I’m moving Tuesday’s dinner to next week so I can make this new thing on Tuesday.” But don’t just go “huh, that’s neat” and buy it without consciously planning when to use it. Or you’re going to end up with rotten kohlrabi and money wasted. Be aware of what you’re buying, and tell yourself how you’re going to use it before you put it on your list, or in your cart if it’s a last minute decision.
Don’t shop hungry. Simple idea, you’ve probably heard it before, but you’ll come home with impulse buys and a headache if you shop on a very empty stomach.
Make a list. You ARE going to forget that you really needed rice if you don’t put it on that list. I know you think you’ll remember, but you won’t. Crossing the threshold of a supermarket completely wipes your RAM. Write that stuff down somewhere and take it with you.
Be willing to shop around. I know Walmart is convenient, and it has asparagus on sale, but if the Kroger also has an amazing sale on the salad greens that you were planning on buying, try to make the effort to get to both stores. Nobody said saving money and eating well was easy, but it is worth it. Unless one store has price match, then just take your ad in and do the shopping at that store.
Try to have a buddy. Grocery shopping can be exhausting and stressful, but a friend can make it easier, and keep you sane. They can also help steer you away from impulse buys just by their very presence. It’s a lot harder to justify the checkout candy bar when your friend is right there, even if they don’t say anything. (Or you could get both of you a candy bar, if you’ve got the cash for it.)
Try to pick a single grocery day and plan for it consistently. Weekly, biweekly, whatever is best for you, just plan a day to do your in-depth shopping. Shopping piecemeal is a good way to spend more money than necessary, and to make sure you forget stuff. (You may have to make fill-in trips between big shopping days, but plan the big ones and try to put off as much as you can until then. But stopping for milk because you ran out won’t break the bank, so don’t worry about doing an occasional quick-stop.)
STORAGE TIPS
Ziploc bags are your friend, but make sure you know what kind you’re getting. Only specifically labeled “freezer bags” should be used in the freezer, or you risk your food getting icy and freezer burnt. Also, look for the store-brand zipper bags, they work just as well.
Label everything you put into the freezer if it’s not in the original package. You’re going to have days where you can’t tell if that’s chicken or tofu. Most freezer zipper bags have a space just for labeling. Keep a kitchen sharpie handy and label stuff. Also put the date on it, and use things within a year of freezing.
Get canisters. There are some cheap ones, even, but get SOMETHING. Put your flour and sugar in the canisters. It will last longer, and you don’t risk the bugs. You may think your apartment is safe, but bug season comes for us all in the end, and those little turds go right for a folded-over sack of flour, I swear.
Keep a list on the front of your freezer of everything that’s in there. Add to the list as you put stuff in, and cross stuff off as you take it out. That way you don’t have to dig to know if you have any more of those frozen peaches you like in your smoothies. Nor will you forget for a million years the bag of stew meat you had intended to use. Small magnetic whiteboards are particularly good for this purpose. (Also consider doing that for each major storage area–fridge, cabinets, pantry, etc– if you routinely forget what’s in there. You could even tape it to the inside of the cabinet door so nobody else sees your bad memory.)
Don’t store potatoes and onions next to each other. They’ll both sprout.
Keep bananas away from all other produce. They’re naughty ethylene fiends that will spoil your tomatoes just for fun. That said, stick a banana in with an under ripe fruit and it’ll be ready in a day or two.
Take your produce out of the little plastic bags unless they need to ripen a bit more.
Go through your fridge completely once a month. Take everything out, check the dates, sniff it, and throw out old/rotten/nasty stuff. Go through your freezer once every 2 or 3 months. Reorganize your stacks, and double check your content list is current.
I know this is long, but I hope it can be helpful. Please add on any tips you have, at the very least I’d love to read them!
does anyone else follow people who don’t even have the same interests as you, but you’ve followed them for years and you can’t imagine unfollowing them?
it’s like, no that’s joan the dolphin lover? she’s practically your neighbor on this website? you’ve never talked, you’re not even mutuals, but damn she loves dolphins. And every time you see her on your dash, you’re just like, oh wonderful, joan’s still alive, just doing her thing. she’s getting into golden age russian cat literature, good for her!
this person doesn’t even know they’ve been on your dash through the ups and downs of your life. Their presence and cactus obsession is just something kind of familiar and almost comforting to you?
*plays assassins creed to study for my ap history exam*
This is actually really funny. In high school my humanities teacher told us a story about one of the Europe trips he had gone on with the school a few summers past. So him and the group of kids were in the middle of Rome and the tour guide had gotten lost. They could figure out how to get to some church they were going to see. All of a sudden one of the students like call attention to himself. He says he knows where to go and just start walking around the streets, taking back roads and side streets and within 20 mins they’re at the church they needed to get to. My teacher asks the kid if he has every been to Italy before. He says no, he just knew where to go because he played Assassins Creed Brotherhood.
2019 is going to be a great year because we’re going to fucking make it that way, no more of this “I hope good things come to me” shit, I’m gonna go out and drag good things to me by the fucking hair
SAME FRIEND, SAME
2019 Is The Year Of Not Even Remotely Fucking Around
In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.
I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.
In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.
In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.
And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.
When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.
But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.
You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.
“Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it” is honestly the best thing you can say to me when I say im sad/in pain etc.
this is really good advice to say to anyone who is upset
Alsooo may I add: “do you want advice or do you just want to vent?” Is also good to add because often unsoliticited advice can further hurt someone who really just wanted a listening ear.
some people will withhold closure from you just because they know it will cause you pain. sometimes you think “if i just told them how much they hurt me, they would understand and apologize.”
but some people know they hurt you. they know that you’re torn up inside. and they won’t apologize. maybe it’s because they are selfish. maybe it’s because they are evil. maybe it’s because you walked away and they need a way to feel like they still have you.
this is why you don’t wait for someone else to give you closure. you don’t need any person being the gatekeeper to your peace of mind. some people hurt others and do not care to make things right. so you have to make yourself right.
